Aerosmith y sus exigencias

¿Alguna vez te has preguntado cómo se ve el requerimiento de catering de una banda? Digo, porque hay millones de cuentos exóticos.
El siguiente es un breve resumen (es decir, agarré un contrato que me encontré en la red de Aerosmith y le corté las obviedades y extras o cosas sin sentido, como los requerimientos de la oficina de producción), y lo voy a postear aquí.
Esto es de 1997, cuando Aerosmith ya no usaba drogas ni alcohol, cuando ya no vandalizaban camerinos porque les daban pavo en rebanadas y no entero y con hueso (esa anécdota es brutal y genial, la encuentran narrada por Steven Tyler en el libro The Fall and Rise of Aerosmith). Es más, por ahí se van a encontrar, en rojito, una muy explicita orden: NO se permite carne comprimida, lo que se traduce en español que entendamos todos, NO carnes frías procesadas (¿alguien recuerda esas latas que se llamaban SPAM? bueno, a eso se refiere).

En fin, ¿por qué escribir de estas intrascendencias? jajaja, pues porque Sangre de Metal anuncia EN EXCLUSIVA y antes que nadie (jajaja, esta frase en este contexto, es fusil directo del Mariscal Bisteces punto com), que Aerosmith tocará en México el 20 de abril, en el Foro Sol. Creo que ya he demostrado la confiabilidad de mis dichos, así que ustedes saben si creen, o no.

SAFETY
D: DoctorsPurchaser will provide the Production Manager with names and phone numbers of a throat specialist, a physician fully qualified in internal medicine, osteo-podiatrist and a licensed chiropractor.

VENUE ACCOMODATIONS
J: Company Crew RoomA large team-type room with shower and bathroom facilities for the exclusive use of the Company Tour Crew. This room must be lockable and the keys kept in the production office under the control of the Production Manager. Adequate hot water for showers must be maintained until one hour after the completion of the load-out for crew showers. This room should be equipped with ten folding chairs.I: TowelsPurchaser will supply twelve (12) dozen freshly laundered bath-size towels and two (2) dozen black hand towels to Production Manager at load-in. Please, no Pakistani compressed towels. These towels will be left in the building after load-out. Additionally, one dozen bars of Ivory soap must be supplied.

CATERING
Absolutely NO alcoholic beverages are allowed anywhere in the backstage area at any time. This specifically includes all house crew members. In the event the Company allows alcoholic beverages to be obtained for the Opening Act, it is to be done strictly at the Opening Act's or the Purchaser's sole expense. Under no circumstances will the purchase of alcoholic beverages be allowed as a show expense by the company. The only exceptions will be at the Meet and Greet and V.I.P. rooms.

DO NOT MAKE ALTERATIONS TO THIS DOCUMENT. REQUESTED CHANGES MUST BE SUBMITTED UNDER SEPARATE COVER TO BE CONSIDERED BY THE COMPANY.

A: All Day, Load-In through Load-Out

These items must be available throughout entire show day.
Beverages, abundant and varied, must be available for the entire crew, to include both touring and local staff, throughout the day, replenished as necessary and to include:
1) Spring water, non-carbonated in sealed bottles
2) Hot, fresh-brewed coffee, to be replenished throughout the day
3) Hot, fresh-brewed decaffeinated coffee, to be replenished throughout the day
4) Hot water and assorted tea bags to include Lipton, P.G. Tipps and herbal
5) Fresh-brewed iced tea, unsweetened Sun tea preferred. Instant tea is unequivocally UNACCEPTABLE! Bottled teas are acceptable.
6) Assorted soft drinks: Classic Coke, Diet Coke, Caffeine-free Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, assorted Gatorade, Draft Root Beer in a keg, where possible. Arizona or Lipton's special iced teas.
7) Milk, one gallon each, whole and 2%
8) Ice, clean and in ample quantities, must be available in covered containers with ice scoops. All ice must be made from filtered or bottled water.
Condiments: An assortment to include sea salt, pepper, sugar, Equal, honey, half-and-half (non dairy creamer is not acceptable!) heinz ketchup, Grey Poupon mustard, Miracle Whip salad dressing, Hellman's mayonnaise, Tabasco sauce, Kikkoman's soy sauce A-1 steak sauce, Pace medium salsa, HP sauce.
Vitamins: One small bottle (25-30 tablets) high potency multi-vitamins.
Assorted utensils: Coffee stirrers, colored SOLO brand drink cups (not transparents), paper plates, napkins, appropriate cutlery, toothpicks, etc.

B: Company Production Crew Breakfast 7:30a-11:30am
Set up, hot, ready for 36 (this number does not include local personnel!)
1) Dry cereals, assorted individual packs (24)
2) Quaker instant oatmeal, one box assorted flavors (1 box)
3) Bread, whole wheat, white. (2 loaves each)
4) Bagels, one dozen, assorted

DRESSING ROOM CATERING
A: Artist Dressing Room #1 set up by 4:30 PM
6 bottled Perrier: 1 liter, 3 berry, 3 plain
3 cans each: Diet Coke, Caffeine-free Diet Coke, Classic Coke
8 bottles Evian water, 1.5 liters each
12 SOLO brand cups, colored plastic, not tranparent
1 Fresh Gourmet Kone coffee service with mugs, stirrers, half and half, sugar and sweeteners

B: Artist Dressing Room #2 set up by 4:30 PM
1 bottle Perrier berry flavored; individual size
2 cans Classic Coca Cola1 quart fresh-squeezed orange juice
4 large bottles Evian; iced12 SOLO brand plastic cups, colored, not transparent
1 Coffee service with all mugs, stirrers, half and half, sweeteners. Placed in airport-style thermos, no burners.

C: Artist Hospitality Room set up by 4:30 PM
1) Food:
the following should be in sufficient quantities to serve 12 people:
Brown RiceCorn on the cob; fresh ears, cooked 3 minutes only
Chicken tikka pieces with yogurt and mint dip
Grilled chicken breast, no butter or oil
Smoked salmon platter
Turkey sandwiches, (lettuce, tomato and mayo) on whole wheat
(4)Baked potatoes: large (no butter)
(6)Fresh fruit tray: NO CANNED FRUIT! Apples, bananas, green seedless grapes, mangoes, melon, pineapple, watermelon (uncut and on ice) Organic fruit is preferred
Fresh green salad with multiple types of lettuce and fresh cut vegetables. No cheese and all dressing on the side
An assortment of FAT FREE, fresh baked muffins. Bakery style, no 7-11 muffins
Fresh, whole organic fruit, used for juicing. (4) banands, (5) granny smith apples, (5) golden delicious apples, (4) mangoes, (4) papayas, (2) pineapples, (2) pints strawberriesFresh, whole organic vegtables, used for juicing (6) fresh whole beets, (15) lbs. organic sliced carrots on ice, (1) flat wheatgrass bag
Medjool daes1 load good quality whole wheat bread (NO WONDER BREAD)
1 loaf spelt bread
6 bagels; fresh, assorted
2 bags Sourdough pretzels, no fat, large-size (Snyder's)Hain's Mini-Rice Cakes (1) bag apple cinnamon, (2) bags honey nut (2) bags caramel
12 Hard boiled eggs, unpeeled
1 lb Jif crunchy-style peanut butter
1 lb smooth health store peanut butter
2 fruit jellies, all fruit and fruit juice sweetened
1 Extra Virgin olive oil, 300 ml1 Newman's Own Natural Light salad dressing
1 ea. Grey Poupon mustard, Hellman's mayo
1 Balsamic vinegar, 500 ml1 Shoyu or Tamari light soy sauce, 500 ml2 ea. Wrigley's Extra chewing gum, Wintergreen, Spearmint, Double BubbleSea salt and peppercorns in pepper mill
2 knives, very sharp and (1) cutting board

Please note: Immediately after the show, twelve (12) hot meals are to be served buffet-style with seating for twelve (12).
Times and meal selection are to be coordinated with the Company's Dressing Room staff. Occasionally, the Artist chooses to order out from local specialty restaurants. Please have menus from three (3) local specialty restaurants on hand. Please provide three (3) chafing dishes to be returned at the end of the evening
2) Beverages
6 Bottles Sundance Cherry sodas
8 Bottles Snapple Ices Tea- lemon flavored
4 Bottles Snapple Ices Tea- lemon flavored DIET
6 cans Diet Coke
6 cans Diet Caffiene-Free Coke
12 bottles Perrier, 6 ounce size, assorted flavors
2 large bottles of San Pellegrino water
2 gallons of Spring Water, non-carbonated1 case of Evian, 1.5 liter bottles
1 quart fresh-squeezed orange juice (NOT from concentrate)
1 case Miracle Water fortified with electrolyes (32 ounce bottles)
1 quart Grapefruit juice, fresh-squeezed1 quart Apple juice, organic and unfiltered1/2 pound Coffee:
gourmet Kona, regular, ground1/2 pound Coffee: gourmet decaf, ground1 box ea. P.G. Tips tea bags, ear grey tea bags

3.Necessities
1 pint skim milk1 quart whole milk for tea
Hot bottled water for tea, lemon wedges, honey and sugar
20 Equal sugar substitute in individual packages
2 Mr. Coffee makers
Cooler of fresh ice, made from bottled or filtered water with ice scoop
40 SOLO brand cold drink cups (16 ounce, colored plastic, not transparent)
1 full formal tea service with tea pot, strainer, sugar cubes

Metal silverware:
forks, knives, spoonsNapkins, paper towels
CHINA bowls, coffee cups and saucers, plates
Please note: NO pressed meat or processed cheese, NO alcoholic beverages allowed. All food must be covered.